In this last part of the blog series “Why men have to rise” I am going to talk about where the current behaviors? of men originate and the consequences of those in daily life, and most importantly – what we can do about it.
The violent past of men
Looking into the history of mankind, men have been responsible for many wars and a lot of violence. Most wars have been started and fought by men, not women. Maybe we even had negative experiences in our own families with our fathers or grandfathers, and we saw our mothers suffer. Regardless of whether we want it or not, we feel the masculine history laying heavy on our shoulders every day. That’s why consciously or unconsciously men are often carrying a collective feeling of guilt, as our male ancestors were not only violent towards their opponents, but often also to their female companions . Growing up with this violence and repression, the current generation of men like you and me is saying to ourselves: “No matter what – I don’t want to become like these men.” Or even: “Especially not like my father.” Those men are much closer to their mothers. Due to an absence of male role models, and being raised by their mothers and a female environment, they are nurturing their female side over proportionally, in consequence losing connection to their male side.
As educated and cultivated men, we still try to be the best possible partner and citizen to please our partners, to avoid any kind of anger which could stigmatize us as being violent. Especially when follow the reports in the media, about how fast a man can be condemned a suspect in the society. Knowing this, we keep our head down, shut up and keep maximum distance to any kind of aggression in our daily lives. Although the word ‘aggression’ is understood negatively in our society, it is not necessarily a negative thing and should not be mixed up with violence. It is a typical male attribute and for me a synonym of the power of self-assertion in daily life. It leads to actions and results.
Here is the point: The history of men is not my fault. Or yours by that matter. Yes, many things went badly wrong in the past. And yes, we have to learn from them. We have to be aware where masculine power could lead to. And yes, we can do better. We MUST do better. But carrying the burden of past generations of men on our shoulders? Giving up our male qualities because of it? No way.
The tamed present of men
Men are tamed nowadays through frustrated ultra feminists, through feminization of schools, where boys cannot be boys anymore, through the NSA, who is tracking each digital step of us, through the Internet, which is making us lazy. No matter where we are, too often we have to watch out and feel observed. It has become difficult for us to find public places where we can be ourselves without being judged. Where we can simply be a man. As much as we love women, we also love to be alone, we love to challenge each other and scrimmage, we love to do stupid things from time to time, we love our hobbies and gadgets and yes, we do love porn, – and there is nothing wrong with that too. If we give up all these pleasure and leisure and stop to LIVE out those parts of life, we are losing our wildness and our freedom. Many choose to live these desires more and more online. and secretly in the dark.
Yet we have the right to not feel ashamed of our sexual drive and cravings, of our desire to spend time alone and to do useless but fun things with our buddies. We know the importance of feeding our inner child. If this child dies, our joy and creativity dies, too. So we have to keep it actively alive in this serious (business) world. Otherwise we become too serious. It is alright to be selfish from time to time and think about ourselves. Before we serve our wives or girlfriends, bosses or family members, we have to serve ourselves. You are the most important person in your world. If you don’t care for yourself, you cannot be a role model for other men. We have to stand up, we have to rise and claim to be a man. Because it is our right.
It is time for a new way of thinking: Being a kind, helpful, caring man who treats everyone with respect doesn’t mean we cannot be provocative, wild, independent, having fun and being free. This sounds like a contradiction. And maybe it is. But I call it differently. I call it LIFE. I think one of the big achievements of globalization and digitalization is the insight that the world is not black and white. There are no bad Russians (hello to my friend Sergey) like in the times of the cold war. There are no dangerous Africans, nor are there naive Chinese. Now is the time to take this idea to the next level. We have to let go of the world of dualism (black/white, yes/no, etc.) and enter the much more exciting world of ambivalence. We have to realize and admit that we are all human and we all have roles to play and different sides to show: The good and the bad, the godly and the devilish, the wild and the soft, the lazy and the ambitious, the tough and the vulnerable. All we have to decide is what to do with those qualities in the (life)time we are given. We can make a choice in every moment of our lives. We can experience life’s richness by embracing all its paradoxes. That’s where the magic of life lies: To discover new aspects of ourselves in each phase we are going through, and showing the ability to recreate our life over and over again based on our latest insights about ourselves. Therefore especially ego driven men have to open up and be willing to learn, reflect and relax.
The promising future of men – and mankind.
Where to go from here? Where to start after gaining all these insights of these blogs? For becoming the best possible version, the best possible update of ourselves, we have to take 100% responsibility. That means, making decisions independently of cultural and social expectations, independently of our religion and traditions. Today’s world challenges us on a global, a local, but most of all on an individual level. We cannot solve this problem with the same way of thinking that helped us in the past. We need men who are willing to take the unconventional paths, brave men who ask uncomfortable questions, men who are willing to carry the consequences of their actions without blaming others. Men who are willing to stand up for minorities, even if they risk to get blamed themselves. And most of all, we need men who have the guts to stand up, no matter what family and friends say.
These men are not going for the short term success such as money or prestige. They are strong enough to rise above such flattery and keep their mouths shut until their vision has come alive. In an age of ‘LIKE’ addiction that is a tough task, but it is how those men make a real difference in the world. Not by words, but by actions and results. Most people are scared, most people don’t want to take over this responsibility. Most people need a boss, a government, a society, a religion, or TV station, who tells them what to do, what to think, what to buy.
Time for the emancipation of men
Through the increasing economic wealth in many parts of the world and through the consequences of globalization, digitization and emancipation of women in the last 20 years, men and women have become much more demanding than ever before. They don’t want to just “survive”, they want to have a good and happy life.
To make the best out of their lives, compared to men, women tap much better into their potential due to their smaller ego (= open mind), in average better communication skills, and sensitivity: They communicate with women in similar situations and learn from them. This has always been the case, but due to the increasing influence of the internet and social media, the possibilities of networking, exchanging and learning from each other are bigger than ever. I am convinced, women benefit in average much more and better from these trends. Therefore the gap regarding personal growth between men and women increased over the last five years.
In my opinion, after the past and ongoing emancipation of women, now is the time for the emancipation of men so that we can increase the quality of our lives significantly.
I am aware that I am speaking here to the minority of men who are willing to fight for a better life for others and themselves – who are not driven by the social expectations to make more money and buy bigger, faster cars, but by the question of how to become a humane leader and a role model for others. I speak to those men who feel they have more potential. Those who feel the world has not seen yet how great they really are.
Our world is full of opportunities. I believe we have not seen our best time of our life yet. And most of all, I believe in a better world made by men who dare to be great. If we start to use today’s possibilities for our benefit, we can do much better than ever before. We can have more purpose in life and create, more joy for others and consequently for us.. We just have to grasp and embrace this idea and make it happen. But in order to do so, men have to rise and they need the courage to open up. Not only their minds, but also their hearts and souls. There is a lot to do. LEGEND Coaching shows you a way how you continue this journey again.
That was the last part of the blog series “Why men have to rise”, I hope you enjoyed. Don’t miss it to provide a quick feedback below.